Like I’d Thought — And Nothing Like I’d Thought

Like I’d Thought — And Nothing Like I’d Thought

What if life is contradictions and beauty and pain?

Pain is information. You can run from it if you choose. It’s okay. Eventually — the way through is through. It’s to take one step after another. It’s to show up. It’s to have no idea. And to try again. To get up and breathe, as painful as it is to feel the sharp and jagged breath. And to look around and feel utterly lost. And to somehow survive the day.

Then to do it again the next day. To bathe in the pain, let it surround you. And — eventually you’ll find yourself at the next day. And then the next week. And then it’ll be a month. And eventually a year. It may feel utterly painful for a long time.

You might be surprised when you feel slightly better. You might surprise yourself by realizing that maybe you can feel better. It may not be how you thought you’d feel better. It may be wildly different. And — yet feeling good, feeling better — it is there, perhaps always was there. Though not where you were looking, not how you thought. And it’ll be a relief and yet infuriating, confusing, disconcerting.

What if life is a lot like you thought it’d be and yet not at all like you’d thought it was going to be? The messiness and contradictions, pain and beauty. All together. It’s repulsive and yet tantalizing. You want to be right where you are and yet nowhere near it all.

And it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re human.

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